“Any abuse or prejudice towards another because of nationality, race, sexual orientation, gender, educational degrees, culture, or other significant identifiers is offensive to our Maker!” President Nelson said this in his worldwide devotional this past Sunday.
Even though I no longer fit the label of Young Adult in the Church’s official organization, I am still, as are most of you, young adults compared to President Nelson. Saturday afternoon, I kept thinking about the devotional, but wasn’t planning on watching it because I’m not in the category it was meant for. Then, late that evening while watching an episode of Heartstopper (so good!), I felt the desire to see what President Nelson had said, so I found the devotional on YouTube. I’m so glad I did, as his powerful message brought extra peace to my soul.
“First, know the truth about who you are.”
Knowing who we are is so fundamental to meeting the challenges of life and moving forward in faith. My identity as a Child of God is core to my testimony of the restored gospel of Jesus Christ and, as President Nelson said, this truth has been imprinted on my heart and rescued me when confronted with temptation. I’m sure it can be further etched into the fleshy tables of my heart, but it is there and powerfully so.
I first came to a knowledge of this as a teenager. While attending a Sunday School class designed for new members of the Church and visitors, the teacher had us sing “Oh, My Father.” The message of that song by Eliza R. Snow hit me so hard that for days after I couldn’t stop thinking about it and sang the song quietly to myself as I went for walks, something I didn’t do very often back then. I received a firm witness that I am a child of Heavenly Parents who love me and have prepared a way for my happiness and joy.
This identifier or label as a Child of God, one of three that President Nelson said should not be replaced by any others, has been a focus of mine in service as a missionary, an EFY counselor, and an elders quorum president as I tried to help my brothers and sisters gain this great understanding for themselves.
How I identify or label myself
Twice in the last decade, I’ve been asked during a class or lecture to think about who I am. First, in grad school, a teacher wanted us to think about why we were there, what we hoped to gain from our education experience, and then write that into a personal/professional mission statement. For that purpose, I felt inspired to label myself as a teacher, guide, writer, and ambassador. I further defined these as I wrote them on my LinkedIn profile and about me page on my website.
Then, in early 2018 while attending the Asia Pacific Career Conference at BYU-Hawaii, Steve Eldredge, a presenter from Adobe, asked us to take one minute and write down who we are. I wrote the following:
“I am a child of God. I am a son of Keith and Lisa Earl. I am a Mormon, a gay Mormon, a covenant-keeping Mormon, a happy Mormon. I am a teacher. I love sharing information and entertainment with people. I am a bridge-builder and guide.”
[note that I wrote this before President Nelson asked us to stop using the label of Mormon]
He then asked us to turn to the person next to us and share what we had written. That was the first time I remember using the label gay for myself out loud, let alone with a stranger, and not being scared of it. I had always feared using that label because of the connotations that accompanied it for me. Those fears completely disappeared in that first instance of verbalizing the label to a stranger, a random BYU-Hawaii student seated next to me in 2018.
I am a gay member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints
Since then, I’ve used it as an identifier. Some months ago, after sharing an article about David Archuleta’s journey of self-acceptance, a friend sent me a message asking “Why is it that people feel to label themselves? You are not a gay Latter-day Saint you are a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints who is gay or has gay desires. Similar to any member who struggles with their own issues. I say these things trying to understand why people need to label themselves with their trials?”
Here’s a slightly edited version of the response I sent to him:
Well, I am a gay member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. I am also an active member of the Church, a male member of the Church, a single member of the Church, an American member of the Church, a believing member of the Church, a temple-going member of the Church, a sixth-generation member of the Church, etc. I don’t go around saying these phrases or making any one of them more important than any of the others, but they all influence how I understand things and go about my life.
I can only speak for myself, but I’ve found that me being open about being gay and occasionally bringing it up at church helps not just me but also others in my ward. I’ve only brought it up a few times in the last year out of the dozens of times I’ve commented or shared faith experiences in church meetings, but each time I did bring it up people thanked me for being open and sharing what I shared. One Sunday, a woman whose son stopped attending church after coming out thanked me being open about myself at church in our conservative-leaning ward because it will help people learn to love people like her son.
Personally, I feel like more people need to be open about themselves at church, whether it is a long-term struggle such as an addiction or an immediate trial like surgery or mental illness episode. How are we to bear one another’s burdens if we’re not aware of those burdens? How are we to mourn with those that mourn if we don’t know what they’re mourning? Without identifying these things, we struggle to learn how to become a Zion people. We can’t learn to love like Christ if we hide what we deal with and pretend that everything’s okay.
By me being open about being gay, because that is part of who I am, I am able to be open and vulnerable about the struggles I deal with like loneliness and not having my own family. I can help people become more loving when they realize that I’m not that different from them or a sexual deviant because I’m gay. Also, labeling myself helps in simpler ways like not having people try to set me up with every great single woman they know or continually ask about my dating life.
As I’ve said publicly, I do not struggle with being gay. I struggle with not having the opportunity to have a companion in this life as things are currently understood while also maintaining full activity in the Church including temple worship. I struggle with how I fit in to the doctrine of the family and sealings. The reason I don’t struggle with my identity is because I did that for years and years. I prayed for it to go away. I made deals with God to have him change me and take the desires away. Then, as in David Archuleta’s experience that he shared in that article I shared, I changed my pleadings with Heavenly Father and changed my prayer from asking him to take it away to saying that if this is the way I am then I will accept it.
I had one of the strongest outpourings of love I have ever felt from our Father in Heaven at that moment. I knew this is who I am. I didn’t know why, but I knew I was accepted and loved by God not in spite of me being gay. Instead, He loved me completely, even the gay part of me.
As I said, I can only speak for me, but by me occasionally including the adjective or label of gay, I feel that I am helping the world become a better place, a more loving place, and a place where all of God’s children are welcome and loved because one of the most important labels we should all identify with is children of God. Unfortunately, some people struggle to identify with this at all because of the shame they feel for who they are or because of how others treat them when they label who they are. If I can help more people learn and feel that eternal truth of being divine children of God by labeling myself in anyway, then I’ll do it.
“Identifiers and labels are powerful.”
President Nelson said in his devotional remarks: “I’m not saying that other designations and identifiers are not significant. I am simply saying that no identifier should displace, replace, or take priority over these three enduring designations—Child of God, Child of the Covenant, and Disciple of Jesus Christ.”
We use labels to better understand ourselves, but we often use labels to create division and separate ourselves from others or to belittle or demean others. President Nelson shared a simple example of how a child might feel if told they are dumb. We mustn’t let labels consume us, not the labels we give ourselves or those that others thrust upon us. Also, we need to remember that using labels is not evil or contrary to the gospel. We must use spiritual discernment in our use of labels and ensure that the identifiers we use do not cause insult or injury. We must also be forgiving as others strive to use labels in ways they may not be used to. We all must be better extenders of grace. If someone uses a label to identify themselves, let us respect it and not demean it.
To repeat President Nelson, “How sad it is when we honor labels more than we honor each other. Labels can lead to judging and animosity. Any abuse or prejudice towards another because of nationality, race, sexual orientation, gender, educational degrees, culture, or other significant identifiers is offensive to our Maker!”
Let us all remember that no matter any other characteristics we or others may use to label us, the most important is the one that carries with it our divine potential and relationship, that of Children of God. When we understand this label, we will better learn to love in a way befitting of the inherent relationship we have as brothers and sister. We learn to respect others choices, though they be different from our own. And, we learn to accept others even with the labels that may be used to identify them.